you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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