We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
