butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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