True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
