i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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