Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
