Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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