there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
