You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
