This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
