Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
