Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Less talking, more tequila
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
