Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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