he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
