how can u be prego again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
