Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
