i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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