4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The air taste purple.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
