You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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