I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
