My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
