dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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