there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
