i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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