My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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