they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
