she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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