If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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