I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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