So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
