Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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