She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
