there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
