Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
