I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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