Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
