ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
