This is not my ceiling
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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