The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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