Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
