So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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