Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
