Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
