did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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