Small penises have feelings too.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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