Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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