I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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