Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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