Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
