she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
